(I went through my secret personal blog recently and here’s a post I found relevant and sensical enough to actually post for the public. This was written on June 22, 2012. Also found on my art blog)
I think that what most people get wrong about relationships is that once they believe they’ve found ‘the one’, their ‘soul mate’, the ‘love of their lives’ and what have you, they think that that’s that.
Much like teenagers, we believe that we’re invincible. Because of the cosmic and extraordinary love we feel for our oh-so-amazing and bob-darned-compatible partner, we think that destiny or fate will do all the work. We’re meant to be together, so we’re problem-proof for life. If we’re meant to be together anyway. So we hurl ourselves head first into the shark tank of the world, fearing nothing. Because fate takes care of us. If something goes awry and people go astray, then turns out you weren’t meant for me after all. Oh well. Game over. Thanks for playing but try again next time.
The thing is - I don’t think that there’s such thing as ‘the one’. I don’t think that there’s someone the world will offer to you like a certificate you get for participation. No, I don’t think it works that way. Everything comes with a price and anything worth having, won’t come easy. Because as the rolling of the days smears the magic off your relationship, it becomes a decision to love a person. For some, this is a signal to leave. But I think this is where the work comes in. The fights don’t matter - as long as you’re willing to push through them. It will be hard. Everyday will be a battle, some where defeat is not an option and other where you’re struggling to hold on. Sometimes, the easy days go by like golden sand in an hour glass then suddenly you’re in that place of uncertainty - staring down a foggy road and you don’t know if you’ll come out together. But I think the key here is to just believe it, and want it, and to push it.
So I think that there’s a ‘should be the one’ instead. That person who makes you happiest, who reminds you that life is good, who shows you that you’re still human and admit to your mistakes. That person who wants you to be a little better.
Because relationships, once marinated in the belief of that certain future of marriage, kids and honeymoons, becomes a lie. Nothing is certain. There’s no way to tell for sure, no matter how raging your feelings are that ‘yes, she’s the one.’. If you want her to be the one, you have to make her the one. You have to work for it. It’s as simple as that.
Everything that we take so long to build will crumble in less than half the effort. Everything beautiful is fragile, like butterflies, and newborns and stained glass windows. We can’t go head first thinking that nothing can break us - because odds are, almost anything can and a lot of things will. But remember that all it takes is hope and a lot of struggle - it will be well worth it at the top.
This semester I took a Gender Relations class and it taught me a lot about women, men, sexuality and feminism in general. Prior to that, I stumbled upon this TEDxWomen video of Anita Sarkeesian talking about her efforts to study women in popculture and how traumatic her experience was when faced with misogynistic backlash. Since then, she’s become very influential to me. (I’m even doing my final paper for my GR class based on her works!) I want to share this video with all of you and encourage you to watch the rest of her videos as well. She’s not only intelligent, but charming and interesting. :)
It’s worth the watch, I swear.
I’ll end this short entry by asking every woman out there, no matter what age or race or religion, to really think about how you as a woman stand in your society, and how much more you could and can do. I’m not saying that men are the enemy, but rather, it’s the mindset of the general population and social structure of our communities that need to change to empower us in our everyday lives.